Twerking, tongue all a-twangle: Miley Cyrus’ Bangerz

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Lord, I’m tired of all the Miley-hatin’. She’s a cute gremlin of a girl trying to distance herself from a smothering Disney-funded-life, for which she should probably feel very grateful. But who can blame her for trying to express her own personality outside the pervasive marketing bubble of the Mouse House?

The last time I felt this over-protective of a pampered, overpaid pop princess was was when Britney shaved her noggin and started hitting people over the head with umbrellas (ellas, ellas, ellas, ay!). Wow, I LOVED that period of Britney’s career!

And the first time I felt this way was when Madonna released the underrated Erotica album and overrated Sex book (and completely bat-sh*t movie Body of Evidence) to much over-heated media alarm during my sophomore year of college. Yeah, Britney and Madonna survived quite well (thank you very much) without my nerdish big brotherly over-worry…and I suspect Miley will too.

I don’t typically review music albums here (though I buy a lot of them). However, I have zero interest in the current slate of Oscar-bait Fall films. I do not want to watch Gravity‘s Sandra Bullock moon around, quite literally, as an astronaut divorced from her George Clooney-piloted shuttle (really?!?! who cast that one?!!?).  Nor do I want to suffer through Captain Phillip‘s Tom Hanks besieged by nautical pirates straight from central casting. (Now, if Johnny Depp’s fey, bejeweled Jack Sparrow made an appearance in either film, I might check them out, but no…)

SO, with that said, you, dear reader, are getting a micro-review of Miley Cyrus’ unfortunately titled CD (or whatever the download generation calls them) Bangerz. And, you know what? It’s freaking fantastic.

Why did Miley feel the need to twerk, tongue all a-twangle, in nude-colored underwear on MTV last month? ‘Cause no states, neither red nor blue, would set her free of her godawfully tangled Hannah Montana wig and the Disney-fied alter ego that it represented.

But you know what (again)? Ain’t nobody talkin’ ’bout Hannah now… so good on ya’, Miley!

How about the album? Hey, it’s a pop album, so it’s going to be a catch-all-of-crazy … and a darn infectious one. There are beautifully melodic offerings like album opener “Adore You” and monster hit “Wrecking Ball” (naked Miley video notwithstanding).

However, the real winners are when Miley lets her freak flag FLY – nothing like a liberal progressive redneck who doesn’t give one rat’s a$$ what any of us think, putting together an album on sale at both Target and Wal-Mart … with varying bonus tracks for retail!

What the heck does that preceding sentence mean? Check out “4X4,” Miley’s ode to monster trucks, with a special appearance by singer/rapper Nelly, that sounds like the track Jessica Simpson should have contributed to The Dukes of Hazzard soundtrack. Or “FU” (title self-explanatory) that sounds like a bizarro mash-up of The Scissor Sisters and The Sherman Brothers and that pretty much tells ex-fiance Liam Hemsworth that (without question) Cyrus is over him … and, for that matter, over all swaggering dudes by the sound of it.

Of course “We Can’t Stop” (which alongside fellow Hollywood-progeny Robin Thicke’s “Parallel Lines” was an inescapable 2013 summer anthem) is zanily fantastic. But the album standout is (unfortunately) a bonus track “On My Own.” This is Miley’s big pop anthem, a hybrid of the best stripper-pole-Britney-Spears and persecuted-dance-pop-Michael-Jackson. I can’t get enough of that song.

There are many other great tracks: the Pharrell Williams-produced “#getitright” (I hate that hashtag gimmick and I hate boudoir come-on songs, but darn if this one isn’t catchy) or uber-pissed-off stomper “Do My Thang” or delightfully subversive “Someone Else” (which has Madonna-esque fun interpolating 1 Corinthians 13:4 … you know, that whole “Love is patient, love is kind” claptrap).

It’s a fun album and possibly a great one. Who cares what Miley had to do to get our attention! It worked. It made me buy the CD, and I’ve been listening to it all week.

And one more thing… As much as I love Annie Lennox, Sinead O’Connnor, Kelly Clarkson, and all the other pop divas who have thrown acid in Miley’s face, all of their critiques come off as sour grapes. This next generation-post-feminist-icon-in-the-making is “doing her own thang” and telling all of us to go take a flying leap … as we line up eagerly in the check-out line to buy her special edition CD … with bonus tracks!

18 thoughts on “Twerking, tongue all a-twangle: Miley Cyrus’ Bangerz

  1. are we related? I love her, too…very poised and simultaneously pixie-ish…and convincing! and I have yet to hear her sing a note. I shared your posts in order to get back to them. (you know what I have been doing instead, right?) this was a totally enjoyable “read”… (you know what I think of that expression…but srsly!)

  2. Miley is like every other person in that age group, just trying to find herself. She just does it a bit more publicly than most. Her spooling will calm down when everyone sees her as Miley not Hannah and she will come out of it looking like a professional. Take a clue from Madonna and Brittney.
    I totally agree with comment about Jack Sparrow, possibly one of my favorite movie characters.

    • very true, Kandy – I think that’s why I have some affection in my heart for her. plus, she is very talented which is getting lost in the trumped up, hypocritical vitriol out there, the worst offenders being young moms my age whom I know for a fact were ten times worse in their day!

  3. great post roy, and i’ll bet walt disney himself would have watched her videos and realized how she was trying to act as ‘un-disney-fied’ as possible to get people to see her differently at last. ‘why r u all up in my wrecking ball!?’

  4. I couldn’t understand why people were so upset about Miley. If she was guilty of anything, it was of choosing granny panties. Ick! They were the most unflattering choice she could have made. Thanks for the fair-minded review. And now when I see Captain Phillip, I’m going to be giggling at inappropriate places, thinking of Johnny Depp. Thanks! 😉

    • you are the best, Becca! and I’m an equal opportunity reviewer – ruining movies I’ve not seen and over-hyping albums you won’t buy! 😉

      and, yeah, Miley’s choice of shorts that night were the most challenging part of the performance. and her tongue was a bit wacky too. but otherwise it was ok by me!

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