A year ago this week I gave a speech at LMA Southeast Region’s conference. (Yes, I explain the zany suit if you watch.) I’d honestly forgotten about this. Dear friend Nancy Leyes Myrland had a reminder pop up today and sent this video she had captured. I might’ve watched this at the time – but I honestly can’t recall. And I only watched a few minutes of it just now. Like many people, I don’t like the sound of my own voice and I really don’t like watching myself. C’est la vie.
But moreover, I had a lot going on existentially last year. That may be why this was lost to the ether of my addled mind. I do know I wasn’t really happy. (I am now.) I felt a bit lost, misunderstood, possibly angry. I felt I’d done my best to give what I could to this world, but was receiving too many signals that it wasn’t enough, that there should be “less of me out there,” that I had somehow disappointed people I had admired and honored. Like all things, much of that was probably in my own head.
But this speech was born of that moment, in which I did my best to lay bare – with humor and gratitude – how I saw myself and how I believed so fully in the differentiating power of authenticity. (And still do.) Was this my ego showing? Probably. Was it a form of self-indulgent group therapy? Indubitably. Was it an effort to try to help others avoid the pain I was feeling then? That was my prayer.
What a difference twelve months makes. I’ve had a LOT of change this year. I hope I’ve grown. Jury is out on that. But for this moment I feel like the bet I placed on myself – as expressed in this video – was the right one.
I’m so unbelievably grateful for the opportunities that have come my way in this time. The me in this video had no idea a remarkable, transformational, literally life changing offer was just around the corner. This new role and new adventure in a new city with a lovely new team and colleagues have meant the world to me.
The video isn’t the complete speech – some of the intro and conclusion is missing – and, honestly, I like it like that. There are few discrete beginnings and endings in life. With an open heart and a healthy sense of humor, serendipity can serve one nicely.
Thank you again to Nancy for this and for always helping me remember I matter. That we ALL matter. And that our stories make a difference. Also, grateful to Toni Toomer Wells and Matthew Gallagher, co-chairs of last year’s event, for believing in me and giving me the chance to share these thoughts with the universe. I hope they can continue to be helpful to whomever is kind enough to give this a watch.
